Immortality

like the departed, she departed and left here broken hearted,

a soldier wounded in foreign land, mile's from helping hand's,

as i stand, i fall from hit's but just brush off and rise again,

think before u trust, think before u hurt someone who's bent'

on findin love,

they want meal's not pitty crumb's,

future under the sun' moonlight from the above,

real shit, not movie bullshit they feed us.

cause since the dawn of time, i've been walkin the earth gatherin what's mine,

immortality turned curse after i lost all sense of mind.

and figure out what it is ill find, when i find what im lookin for,

god closed all windows and door's,

promised to break all the wall's

even if i fail to leave,

at least ull read what it is i saw.

Cant You See?...

Blown up, like Google searches for the meanin of life,
life's trife, cold stoned, stoned in the cold heights night,
feel right, but im wrong, do right- staggering left,
am i the only one left, who fell in love wit the sess,
refuse to think im from earth, every time i observe,
im more convinced of these words, rebirth,
but feel cursed

like im the gardener's kid
should of been King Salomon's kid,
living life lavish in my 4 dot 6
but that's it?
needed to close up the lid
on faces lost in a crypt, hit,
poundin' always wantin to dip,
i need love' like a trick, who's family ceased to exist,
longin for somethin out of reach and that's as hard as it get,




Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't you see that im drownin?....



who's to say fame wont come and wont provide me the fund's
makin the bank bounce owing me some,
tap out the sky,
got it in a chain lock,
but the lock's changed,
they aint lettin me in,
because im short on my end,
so it's back to the thorn path again
rollin L's to defend,
myself from pin-less grenade's, I'm so afraid,
my philosophy packed into a grave,
cause it didint behave,
it was condemned to the haze of a never ending flame


Felt this comin a mile away, im so helpless,
like hard time's that come and go, imma use patience,
to disappear from here w/o traces
and all these happy faces, and all these happy faces.




Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't you see that im drownin?.....




can't you see that I'm drowning?
in my own tears and fear's,
this is build up from the year's and year's
of sheer racketeering my own thought's,
look what i bought..
2 shot's of hope, a couple dream's but their all make-believe.
cause what's meant to be' will be,
i see the need for lust existence
is poisoning us slowly like a disease,
my hypothesis,
is exactly what it always seems,
prescription for soloist manage a trois solo vendetta;

fill a void greater than canyon's,
cause my companion's
are so few a part that im wondering who my closest friend's & fam is,
my soul on keys keep me folk-tailed, famished and damaged.
somehow i know can manage.
but what i don't understand is..
how many say they love to love,
but when it show's up
u leave when u start to see i really care enough?
save me the crust, I'm so outta touch,
make's me guess i just wasn't man enough,

Sincerely tired of the blame,
sick of all the pain,
need someone to show me
something other than mirror shame.
cause it's forced me to retain,
all the bad memories; suppressed to re-blame,
pump hope threw my vein's
(gasp) time to breathe again


Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't


Nas-Your the man (instrumental)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSeEcHn7css

Continueance of reccessetation

Find myself at a record breaking low,
Life's gone and passed like a feather in the gentle spring wind,
How is this possible?
life shouldn't be this way on so many level's,
it keep's putting me down no matter how much i struggle.
who's to say im not strong?
im stronger than 90% of you but i keep getting pumbled,
by wave's of let down's, lie's, precious life leaving my existance.
i dont want this.
who need's this?
i want more...
i crave more.
i need simple thing's.
i dont want to be rich, nor do i wish of so much blessing's i dont know what to do with them,
all i ask for is a simple life, with no problem's (impossible), wit stable feeling's.
Life.

High Fingertip's RIP G_Pa

So tonight's the night..
the night i realize I've lost one of the few great men in my life.

My father is gone, we don't speak.
Both my Grandfather's on my father's side have Perished recently.

How is it that a generation can just as easy as it came; Vanish?


Is this human nature?
is this the way thing's are always going to be?
Scripture's, murals, possession's, old photos.
this is all we see of a greater past.

therefore like Ashes in the wind, you are gone...
come back old man, i need you,
"dont do this to me" i yell at the wall's that keep me from loved one's,
yet no one knows because none seem to care the pain which is ever fading.


im at a good place in my life, thing's are going well.
This is nothing but a thought from the mind in a calm zen.

Slippin instrumental scripture

the truth is hard to swallow, maybe not knowing is best
cause sometimes, some food for thought can be hard to digest
so why bite...more than u can chew; forgetting what's forgotten
live life free from pain cause it always end's up makin us rotten,
we forget to believe in Hope, cause we stay lookin thru scope's,
checkin down the throat's of those, who dont deserve this kinda roast,
nothin but a chance to see ... if we can let em in complete,
or let the dog leash go and be, keepin our hand's fully from reach


trust in thee,
all these thought's i see,
makin me turn weak,
knowin that somewhere out there,
is a princess made for me,
but hopin's not what i need,
it's something that i deserve,
after so much time of pain,
i wish that i could fall from earth.


for what it's worth, all the hurt, bottled up, thrown away
i dont need it cause these day's of rain, bothersome, upstaged
tryna rain on my parade, not for long, turn the page,
write as if another day, is on it's way, and w/o haste,
with promises of grace, makin me face all my hate,
as it come's i feel the breeze, of what's been reserved for me,
a life time of patience, paced with feeling's,feeling free
with feeling's,feeling free.

Cuando Venga Abril.

This has a Juanes; Sung vibe. yes sung. so "Rapping it" wont make sense lol, just admire the word's cause i doubt you'll get the same rhythm and guitar note's i have in my head unless i sing it to you xD


Lleva...te

de adentro, sentimien.to's
Que me entoxican desde adentro
Haciendo me partir.

Quieroo

que tu lucero sea mioo
placenteramente entre frio
calententando mi soledad


entonce empezaremos,
de nuevo desde zero,
el pasado olvidemos,
sera's mi nueva flor.


primaveraa

aveces rompre emociones,
que invierno formo con razones,
deritiendo la sensacion.



no me olvides,
no te olvidare,
lla no me llores,
es muy infantil,
haremos lo nuentro,
te hare sonreir,
porque no quero que te valla's...
cuando venga abril.

cuando venga abril,
cuando venga abril,
cuando venga abril.

Inspiration

Eh conocido ya tus labios tan Tiernas y Gentil,
Capturado por tus ojos y me haces reir,
como hago para que veas lo que siento por ti,
esta fuera de este mundo como agua sin abril,
soy Feliz, ni negarlo, me pongo malo,
sabienodo que no tengo tu mano,
ni tu abrazo,
es algo extraño,
soy un tipo muy sensato y astuto,
pero me quedo en el aire pensando,
porque quieres este pobre vagabundo,
te aseguro-
no existen minutos,
ni segundos cuando estamos juntos,
yo disfruto de ti siempre; sin discurso,
siempre habra una conneccion,
de otra dimencion,
que me atrae a tu cuerpo provocando sensacion,
mi amor,
no me ire, ni rompere tu corazon,
prometido con mi vida,
hasta que se me pare la respiracion,
Oiste; La respiracion.


Yo se que te han herido
en el pasado te han mentido
me han hecho lo mismo
por eso yo ati te cuido
yo estoy casi de asilo
pero ahora estoy trankilo
porque estas en mi vida
y me siento bendecido
de haverte conocido
oye gyal;
quiero que en el futuro
veas en tu dedo un anillo,
tener un par de hijos,
y una casa con jardin de
pasto y filo,
pero por ahora
quiero ser mas que un amigo; sencillo.

à propos de moi

(Note inspired by another friend-Nova to be exact~)


I'm not the thinnest; I'm slightly over weight but i somehow consider myself a sexy dude (don't take this in cockiness but I'm just confident)

My Eye's are dark brown but light cafe when the light hit's it

I have the best nose that I've seen thus far

Lips have to be my best facial aspect

Even tho im a chubby guy i have the thinnest finger's that girl's always say are good for making them =X

i have good feet for a guy i think; i keep myself pretty clean

I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my mouth; which has to stop

my ear's are directly where they should be; not too high, not too low.

My facial hair is annoying but i cant live w/o it unless a girl asks me to shave it

I have 2 wound's on my neck from where i got shot which i proudly wear as a reminder

I love when female's play with my ear's

My laugh is idk... never really paid attention to it? you tell me...

I LOVE my hair to death but it can piss me off at time's

I can stand my ground against anyone and not back down bravely; sometimes a bad thing

I have insomnia

I procrastinate but hate to loose time

I kinda have a general idea of what Love is but i want to experience it first hand

You know maybe I'm not the most perfect person in the world.


My Attitude is always changing depending on who I'm around; who i last spoke to, who I'm seeing, who i saw, where I'm going, how cold it is outside, anything and everything changes me somehow.

but yet i love who i am.

How my mind works

It's been going on for month's, day's, hour's, second's now

the flush sensation of time passing, while thought's are processed and carried throughout click's of a keyboard, sudden smile's at a witty remark by the other window preceding her's.. but i don't stray and come back instantly

emotions bleed deep on the screen where many would fail to notice that this other human being is actually opening up the bruised and battered so called heart the previous left to die

She explains shes afraid of being let down again, having her soul shattered and worries about picking up the sharp pieces again, while i too understand the grief that' that certain moment has caused because I've been down this path before.

I'm convinced she's worth exploring.


First meeting; short, subtle, comfortable
Second meeting; comfortable, relaxing, reassuring
Recent encounter; Undisclosed location, she meet's me in the lobby as i arrive. We head in the elevator my hair in a mess, our Lip's moist, her hair in a pony tail, eyes a deep color of emotion which drove me to lean in; Ding. our floor.

hesitate to exit as i courteously allow her to exit, i follow watching her... as she step's; I'm seduced now.

Ring. The old abused apt door open's, i follow locking the door behind me, there is a scent of lavish baked good in the air teasing my bowel's: as if thanksgiving hadn't treated me well earlier. Continue, as i remove my coat i whisper "where can i place this" she places it elsewhere being ever so careful, we sit in the living room; now alone, I'm taken by her ever grasping glances over to me talking to my mind w/o word's.

12...
Conversation's, Joke's
1...
the eventual physical contact, heart beating faster, mind racing, complete security
2...
complete relaxation, hormones indulging, but nothing happens, nothing we cant handle, nothing spoken, everything revealed, im glad we can just speak & connect with out anything more yet.

time of departure.. late. as i walk in the smiting cold holding her hand trying to keep her as warm as i can' as i do not wish her to be sick, we laugh out loud about randomness at the crazy hour of the morning,

{Paused Moment in time; I am filled with thought's of sincere happiness, genuine childlike emotions that add fuel to the fire she's lit in my soul as i have her's. i have taken a mental snap shot of this day as i wish to never forget it. adding it to my collections of memories, but what makes this moment special? what drives me to believe this is not going to be forgotten like the rest?... Realization is the difference}

As we walk down the street, i can sense that she is mine and i am her's, something many think they have but fail to understand it doesn't exist but I've actually proven the contrary of my own word's, thought's and beliefs.
time to leave

Now goodbye's are uttered as i grasp her hands and feel her lip's against mine knowing she wishes it never end's and i don't have to go; this is a feeling I'm not used to. I'm used to being cared for in some way but never to this level.
Grateful, i wont take this for granted.

as i release her and she walk's inside i turn around as to capture any remaining details of her ever lasting smile & to make sure she makes it inside safely.

Now i walk.
the hour & a half ride home is met with the thought's of the evening making everyone around me, the bum sleeping at the other end, the couple kissing next to me, the work tired man sleeping adjacent to me disappear.. why? because she is on my mind. making my predictions come true... she is my world.. she's all i see.

Clearing my Head

I sat here today still awake from last night just thinking..

of where Ive been, The Decisions Ive made that have bought me here

i regret so little because i believe everything happens for a reason
believe that every action has a reaction that changes how our written future is altered

we were meant to go on a certain road that was already paved for us
but we change it by taking a left instead of a right at the fork in the road



Ive been thinking about what i want to do but the difference is this time im more of a man, more of a positive person to make it all happen

and that's the difference this time from all the other times.. I NEED to do this for myself


i dont want to be sitting in the future looking back on this moment saying
"damn i should of done something to better myself back then"
so im going to spare myself the grief and just do it cause the time lost i cant get it back



all the cigarette's, liquor, extra amenities i craved so much' im glad to say i dont need them nor do i want them in the way i wanted them before.
and it's this change, this change that makes me a better, no, greater man.

the realization that something has to be done in order for me to live my life the way i want it to.


many of you reading this will look at me and say "nigga your only 20"

yes' i am, but realize this, im 20 now but before you know it were 22,23,24,27,29,30
and we cant and wont get that time back,
the shit we do now is gonna affect our lives and health later'
so Ive made the choice to not cheat myself on being there for my kid's, my grand kids, my family, my wife's time together in the future.



there's much of this that i wish to share with allot of my friends cause i see so much potential in them and what their doing isn't healthy nor is it even worth doing,
BUT they must come to that realization with themselves like i did with my problem's,
I can talk talk nag nag to them but it's all them, all i can say later on in life is; i told you so, but now it's on them.
how can i say that about people i care SOOO deeply for? without feeling pain or anything, Wrong it cut's me deep. but we all have to live with the decision's we make, some deal better than others but others look like reckless fools.


we only live once and no life isn't short;
it's long and we all have to live with the decisions we made for possibly the next 30-70 years


I'm going back to school like i should, trying to go to TCI for a Double Major;
Industrial Electronics Technology - Computer Technology Track and Networking Technology

it's what i want to do =]

plus: as soon as i get my money straight and im kinda settled a bit im saving up for my DSLR Camera Ive wanted so i can work on becoming a professional Photographer.


i like photography allot; i view it as another world where i can freeze and capture a moment in time and view it forever.
The beauty of a abandoned place, the textures of a violet to the everlasting glare of a woman's eyes and artistic things that intrigue me. it's a passion of mine.


i wanna change the way my life is because i wanna be able to travel all over the globe when ever i get the chance little by little, take a vacation here nd there nd go somewhere different every time.
it'll take hard work and dedication but i know i can do it.

Spare me the pep talk guy's lol this is just so i get my mind cleared a bit.

Some Advice

1. Live life in the Now; Forget about yesterday, worry not about tomorrow

2. Keep progressing in life as it time wait's for no one

3. Do not be afraid to fall, be happy you fell and learned a lesson

4. Never wear your heart on your shoulder, these day's it's more fashionable to keep it in your pocket, Away from all, Shown only to those who deserve it

5. Friends mean nothing today because tomorrow they too can be forgotten like the ones in the past

6. Hope is the string's on the guitar that is your life; Play a song' it can only lead to good thing's

7. Always prepare your mind for the absolute worst possible outcome; so if it happen's your already 90% to recovery

8. There's nothing in a person who tell's you their going to change because change is an action that therefore must be acted upon

9. Even tho you may have been hurt in the past, you can close yourself out, Yes you must give yourself time to heal, but what better way to heal than letting someone help you while you heal eachother

10. Music is a big influence on how our minds process feelings, so dont always give your feeling up to song's because they will only confuse you and make your mind think incorrectly; Only follow your heart

11. Sometimes when we feel cluttered, Writing seems to help because when we see our thought's on paper we can organize then, delete then, or put them into action while their out in the open

12. They who Love w/o Loving themselves fist; isn't loving at at, it's more like a game of Russian Roulette with 5 out of 6 bullet's in the spindle

13. When in doubt; get the fuck outta there. Anything your mind is uneasy about, is more than likely true

14. Material object's may help a relationship out but primarily may ruin them because it becomes the focus of it and what really matter's "the feeling's" is over looked and money becomes an object/reason of affection

15. Allow to let in; You'll be surprised who's willing to break down wall's and try to pick up the piece's of a broken past.


Nothing u fag's haven't heard before ^^.

Something short; this really got me

 

(Chorus/Sung)
Baby;
Help me find my way thru the dark
---
Help me find my way thru the dark
Save me;
Help me find my way thru the dark
---
Help me find my way thru the dark

 

Consumed lies, see the tear's in my eye's
cant shed any more, cause my soul's run dry
tired of believing in scheming female's
that only manipulate, see to me; they see thru

 

where's the real one's? that crave for the moment's
where they standin my they man without cheatin on'em
support him' when he's down, pickin up his mornin's
and at night keep him focused on they family portrait
thru bad, the good & the in between's
know that I'd down for her like in her wildest dreams
{Written by me/ wish you guy's could hear the beat in my head to this/ the voice saying it sound's the way puff did back in the day/ slow nd heartfelt}

Angel Wing’s

 

Between life, fantasies, who's to say what i feel,
isn't based off of lust and what eyes reveal,
Hope it's trust that embodies all the types thought's
that go running threw my mind when my path you've crossed,
honestly, all i need is you're everything,
cause you've managed to break wall's and become my friend,
more than that you've stopped time and frozen the sand,
that's been slipping threw my hand's, i have control at last,

 

 

When you’re lonely I want you to come run to me,
so that u can feel my chest & hear how I breathe,
calm steady, serene, heart beat's supreme,
only when your around does it seem to ease
so you see, your more permanent that these hickey’s
that show ever so resiliently refusing to leave,
say I’m yours & you’re mine, connection’s divine,
your presence is near perfect; no between the line's,
so never doubt for a second that you’re in my dream’s,
wouldn’t have it any other way’  it makes me freeze
want to seize every frame that makes you retain
the very essence of our vibe driving us insane
please refrain' from the thought's about yesterday
& let's make new memories pursue a change.

 

 

So, help me find my way threw the dark
You’re the only light I see in this game of heart’s
We bleed, get hurt but get right back up,
Only if we have around those angel wing’s

 

So, I left behind everything I have
& placed all my bet’s on you as you took my hand
Now I breathe, easy cause you’re here with me
Only cause you came around; My Angel Wing’s.

(Written by me; like all my note's)

Late night "Bedrock Instrumental" scripture's

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EObIlrgnV_I&feature=related


Raw emotion's, poison?
na no need for potion's,
complete blessin in the flesh, her eyes keepin me focused,
got me a bit insane, to the point im hearin voices,
her's;
got me flyin thru the skies out in the open.
no seat belt' if i crash then her purpose,
is to pick up the pieces & the fragment's from the earth n
put em back together' cause in her heart in know im certain,
like id do for her she'll stitch me up like a surgeon,
lilo & stitch inseparable pair, she's my air
first time jitter's got me feelin in here
like I'm a virgin
i raided her soul like I'm an insurgent
then rescued her from distress like I'm wit secret service, it's perfect


can't you dig the reason why i did, what i did
it's cause her heart, mind, nd body's what I'm after in the end
so the story goes again, i wanna be more than a friend,
but this time its different, possibilities is endless,
so you can forget this, that, they, them,
cause in the end it's me and her' through thick & thin
wanna feel her lip's again, thoughts freeze me like manikin's
like she's been somewhere pushin buttons & making my soul rapture
but since i have her, ill do the next best thing & grab her,
show her action, nd satisfaction
knows I'm down for her like the passion, smashin
she's my fatal attraction on this planet filled with women that's always lackin,
we so way past the mackin, of my ship she's captain,
sailin the seven sea's of my mind, it's everlastin,
clutchin my hand' fastened, winking at me wit lashes,
that send me up to space wit nasa, im feelin gassed kid
so that's it, she's a keeper, never deceive her,
cause dream's is on acid when ever thought's conceive her, i need her.

Mi Vida

so this is where my Life has lead? This place of Speechlessness

The Place where my worries don't seem to exist & reckless feelings take me over?

These feelings are so adolescent making my heart go wild
How did this come about?
late night conversations, Random smiley's, wink's and Blushes
Words that touch our very soul's when even thought...

Who's to say where anything will lead?..
I'm to say because what's going on, is something so mind blowing it's incomprehensible to a person outside my mind frame and feelings.



I not angry nor sad, neither depressed or empty
I'm the complete opposite and it's weird, Ive grown accustomed to being lonely and used to it
I have the sudden urge to climb the highest building and scream to the world


this isint a new feeling but it's just so overwhelming that i feel like a kid again
that has a crush and is writing little note's and cutting out valentine cards in the shapes of hearts
this has to be the most open note ive ever written and the process of even writing it is so confusing
plain and simply because im still in shock about how good, unique, unselfish, considerate, honest, heart felt, passionate, motivated, conscious, beautiful, sexy, adorable she is, just every single detail about her is extraordinary


nothing in this note even came out remotely how i wanted it to, nothing is in order, nothing is within context of where it should be, but the point is it's there and that's exactly how i feel inside'

i have random outburst's and desires to go and see her at every waking second,
i dream of her because she makes me dream, day dream, noon dream every thing dream,
makes me wanna be a better person, move on in life, make something out of myself so that she can be proud of me,
makes me think about the future and how i can keep her in it,
Her kiss replay's in my head over and over making me go insane the first time i held her hand makes my soul burn, the first time i gazed into her eyes my heart started feeling again.
She's all Ive ever wanted and all i hope she need's.




Now i Sit here at the cross roads of my life and the hope she brings into my life has no words that can ever be described.

Para Carolina A. Villamar

A million Moons will pass and rest,
till another you is born again,
so take my hand; don't be afraid,
the past is gone & now eased,
the gift; our present' Cause what we have,
is something rare some wish they had,
my future's changed' eternally,
filled with thought's of you and me.

<3

The Past is Now forgotten,

So fuck it' it turned Rotten,

cause new's on the View & thought's of Being true,

Everything fall's into place When old thing's should be replaced,

So keep me happy babe & this smile all on my face.

Crazy Mentality

Do you wanna know who raised me?
Pac, Biggie, Nas, Pun, Big L, the WU & Slim Shady,
Ever Wonder why I'm Crazy?
Blame it on LP, 182, Staind & Bob Marley,
Who came here to Save me?
Mr.Han, The Root's, BlackStar, Common dressed in a suit,
Why am i the Next to fame B?
Cause Ms.Hill spoke, I'm an Outkast no more' she reassured me.

Manhunt live on the block,
it's what we did, cause we kid's,
till the moon rest's on top of where we hid,
we'd disperse, all scattered leavin no trace behind,
till the next mornin' 7 am, eye's cracked wide,
grab book's off to school, tryna get a better future,
but wat'd we do, cut school, finger females wrapped in Couture,
Heavy drinkin at 12, smokin spliffs in the stair's,
runnin from the super before he see's who was there,
you might ask yourselves' how'd i get so bad?
what u expect when my music was my Mom & Dad?

Do you wanna know who raised me?
Pac, Biggie, Nas, Pun, Big L, the WU & Slim Shady,
Ever Wonder why I'm Crazy?
Blame it on LP, 182, Staind & Bob Marley,
Who came here to Save me?
Mr.Han, The Root's, BlackStar, Common dressed in a suit,
Why am i the Next to fame B?
Cause Ms.Hill spoke, I'm an Outkast no more' she reassured me.


Now 18; mentality's evolved, Gwap in my jean's,
groupie hoe's hand's in my drawls,
but one thing they forgot to recall,
I'm not sane, Crazier still; my mind's completely wired wit bomb's,
Got Saddam Hussein stuffed in a wall but worst of all,
Satan's in the room 3 door's down across the hall,
Who knows when ill be safe from the raw,
fucked thought's runnin thru my mind
that got me thinkin I'm related to god.

Do you wanna know who raised me?
Pac, Biggie, Nas, Pun, Big L, the WU & Slim Shady,
Ever Wonder why I'm Crazy?
Blame it on LP, 182, Staind & Bob Marley,
Who came here to Save me?
Mr.Han, The Root's, BlackStar, Common dressed in a suit,
Why am i the Next to fame B?
Cause Ms.Hill spoke, I'm an Outkast no more' she reassured me.

that was then, this is now, i am he, they is they,
don't compare when mentality is tryna be portrayed,
i was sick, now I'm sicker, cause of life's dirty deed's,
who need's you when there's me to fulfill all their needs,
take a seat, better yet take a knee, then proceed
to leave cause peeved is what I've been at my grief,
so no more, it's enough & I'm callin the bluff's,
to erupt mass massacre's, the time is up, one.

La’ Vida

 

I've been signing I.O.U's ever since i noticed life aint what it seems,
it kill's dreams,
told a man's worth is only how he gets green,
but i screamed,
said it's lies, I'm worth way more than these feen's,
who procrastinate all day lootin money for they weed,

I'm a hard working man who's made mistakes like the best of em,
correct me if I'm right,
but I'm a real man when compared to them.
learned from mistake's that keep from committing them again,
so fend for ya self and use ya heart from now and then, "friend".

Everything im not make's me everything i am
Those word's from Yay punched right to my soul like a jab,
so i stay changin, makin my life better,
stay wit pinky cause im brain all thru out the weather,
dont look confused,
pink's a girl accused of bein perfect,
makin life worth it, while makin my heart skip verse's.

Graffiti Rape

I Got Technicolor syndrome,

Krylon Dream's,

Sharpie Shower's inject my genome's,

Paper getting slaughtered by the lead in my pencil,

while images float past my eyes in captivating detail.

Something to think about.

 

We hate Feeling Full; but we hate feeling empty,
We hate being crowded: yet we dislike being lonely,
We hate rushing; but we cant stand being slow.
Some hate working; But also being Lazy,
We dislike liar's but who likes a goody too shoes,
Un-attracted by hate but scared away by love.
People are always looking for a middle to everything whether we realize it or not,
This is why we have feeling's, to keep it all balanced,
if we completely chose one over another then feelings would be useless...
Something to think about.

Soul’s Working Overtime.

Sometimes i feel like i feel too much; If that makes sense at all. When i have something going well or bad in my life i feel it in my core, down past the bones into my soul. I feel as if this is something good because i put passion into everything but also terrifying cause if I'm ever broken down again i don't know how bad it’s going to affect me this time.

Recently I've been bitching about how shit isn't going right and what not, so i did something about it. I tried to change thing’s about me so i wouldn't have any doubt in my mind that i at least Did try & honestly shit is still going bad in some ways. I don't want to mess up or loose the good things i have in my life whether how insignificant or small they may be. I’m a man of many word’s but Simple maintenance that just want’s to be understood, Loved, Cared for, Feel like he has some value & Return all of that ten times to whom ever deserves it from me.

I’m going to hang in there because i honestly feel this is one of life's test to see if I can pick myself back up when I hit the ground running. I just want a normal life, Normal Family, Normal House, Normal Car but every aspect of life around it successful and adventurous & god damn it’ I’m going to get it thru hard work and patience.

Eternal Thought’s.

This is Blasphemy; i just met you and already i feel like telling you everything about me. Everything that makes me tick, think, live, act, inspire, feel. There’s a connection somewhere that makes me feel insane yet calm at the same time. You make me feel childish again, wanting to play hide and go seek in a field where there would only be us. Paint you a picture of how i see you in my mind & how i sense you in my aura. I want to just forget about my past and make past to remember contigo, present’s to open and live, Future’s to look forward to.

I write this because saying it isn't enough, & feeling it is confusing because how could this be? someone tell me, am i taking this too serious? i say I'm not, is that wrong? am i reaching out for something? Do i dare expose myself again after so long and of being hurt so many time’s and risking it happening quite possibly again? yes i say, I’ve gone truly mad and I'm gripping myself from letting my emotions kill me. “One step at a time” say’s the ever present presence in my mind, “yes; i know” i reply, but at the end of the night I’m still longing for something, what might it be? Could it already be in my life?

Para Mi Hermanito; Jordan.

Dear Jordan, restin in the sky,

always got my back keepin out a watchful eye,

man it's been so long.. 13 sum od year's,

soon to be another one since u was last here,

hermanito i really miss u, keep u in my dream's,

always shed a tear cause u meant the world to me,

but i know ur in a better place, far away from harm,

just know we all miss ya especially mah moms,

Peace Love.

(RIP: Jordan Rodriguez; mi hermano querido)

Art; Not a Crime.

 

Fuck air,

My pen is my life's connection,

ink bombin wall's got everybody's attention,

ski mask, hoddies; no robbery just reflection,

an art' seen as crime by ignorant prepotentius,

bastard's now as i,

intrude the room,

i refuse to be pursued so my movement's is smooth,

quick, strike, bike, dip, & im gone,

mural left on a wall, to be the envy of all.

(Written by me)

Work in Progress.

 

Corazon sentenciado, Hecho pedazos a mi lado,

En Mil años….. Aqui estaras.

 

Porque razones te han maltratado,

si solo amor es que tu entragado.

en mis manos, te dejare.

 

Y aqui siempre te guardare.

 

Como es que la vida puede ser cruel,

todo este tiempo eperandote,

quiero olvidarme del ayer,

y me propuso el amanecer.

 

donde estaria sin tu amor,

sin tu gentil sabor y ardor,

sin tu precensia al mi alrededor,

juro me muero de dolor.

 

 

y ahora estar sin ti,

no!, prefiero no pensar,

esa sonrisa es eterna,

y de ella quiero mas,

|^^,|

 

Even if you stutter,

You makin it clear as glass

That you wanna make a future and forget about ya past

So why don’t we just stick to a plan

& plan' not to plan our adventure's we'll leave it to Fate's hand's.

Tonight’s a Good Night; I had a feeling.

View Full Album

I have my off day’s just like everyone else. I have my times when i don't feel inspired and even if i try i cant release a simple line to start the creative juices. That’s just fine cause i need my time to recollect myself and think about life in general.

 

Something's going on in my life; A change for the better, it Started off as seed, but some how it’s growing & growing at a steady healthy pace. Something I've wanted/needed for a long time now.

I Stroll thru life Incognito.

Link to Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-It3PBrp8h0&feature=related

Dirty Money-Angel's Intrumental.

I wanna get paid for abusin the mic
always live life,

Imma soulja wit stripes, A cold Figure man.
What the meaning of, Hopeful Dreaming
when someday some random dude just might leave me leanin
Everywhere I go the angels I see em
Hail mary, tell mary I miss her
I shed a tear hopin death don't kiss ya
But its coming like that last train
I can feel it through my damn veins,

soul’s engulfed in mad flames.
I don't wanna leave, I wanna be, on a beach,

Somewhere far from where these corners be,

Live my life trankilo Quieto,

Away from Prietos, scheming on my money,

Actin like they cant be next yo.

Im mad respectful, if that line aint crossed,

Cause once it’s on, my last word’s I’ll be Vaya con dios,

Don’t think u want them soft spoken.

And that’s a promise; let’s be honest’ I’m beyond it

I’m tired of emerging

Every night from thick splurges

Of marijuana smoke. Newport’s

It seems worthless

I seem alright on the surface

But on the flipside-

I'm Buggin

My ghost’s have me runnin

to church receivin sermon.

And I wanna change my ways

I pray to god everyday

Please lord; help me keep my mind sane.

When they read me my wrongs at the gate

Hope it’s not too late, to say,

I wish to stay just for another day,

So that I may right my wrong’s,

When I cease to exist’ it’ll be bliss, final goodbye

Forehead kissed by real people in whose lives I’ll be missed.

Have mercy on me.

(Written by Me)

Randomly Written; but Significance’ Much more.

Recent dreams have involved you,

How did we come this far thru,

Sights of you spark déjà vu,

And hopes that I might see you soon.

Trivial resemblance,

& a thought that's never ending,

Of how u make me feel brand new.

Late night confrontations,

Conversations in rotation,

Keeping me at my world's end,

This thought is so revealing,

But u have me thru the ceiling,

Make me wanna change my ways,

You make me feel alive,

And I hope that it’s a sign,

Of what life is gonna bring.

I've accepted my falls,

My past' is past gone,

I've ripped down my walls

But most of all

I love who you are

And that who you aren't,

It’s what makes you complete,

You’re all that I see,

And as it seems,

You make me feel brand new.

(Written By Me)

Spur Of The Moment.

Link to Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2m2iQ99TGR4

(Start on .22 sec)
Moments came and passed away,
in the shinning light of a brand new day,
where angels play with my mistakes,
and all i see’s your eyes,
piercing me with no delay,
you approach me and i go insane,
then fuel pumps thru my hopeless vein’s,
filling me with life.
____________________________________
Hold me;x2   (Female Vocalist)
You’re the only thing that’s keeping me alive,
Hold me; x2  (Female Vocalist)
but i just cant see what’s behind your brown eyes.
____________________________________
(Mellow & Spaced out)

and as time passed,
i learned to heal my wounds…
with thoughts of bliss,
& hopes that ill see you soon…
fighting my nightmares,
not knowing where you are…
i built a wall; so that i could hide my scars…
funny thing about that is that;
you meant the world to me,
but i tend to remember about the pain’ when you’re,
so far away me,
so far away me,
so far away me,
so far away me,
_____________________________________
(Chorus)
_____________________________________

(Written by me.)

Blasphemy; in the worst moment of my life.

(Wrote this around late 07)

Tal parece mil anos que me diste tu amor,
eh perdido tu mente, no conosco tu voz,
la vida no me quire, me dejado perdido,
mas nunca intentare de anamorarme enseguido,
tras las noches de encanto que me decias mi amor,
y tus labios de fuego que me dieron calor,
no los tengo en mi vida, y lamento yo el tiempo,
que duramos hablando, memorias ya ni los siento,
tu decidiste que tu no eras para mi,
y te fuistes con aquel que no sabe nada ti,
fui yo que estaba todo el tiempo contigo,
tu siempre estas en mi mente quiero sacarte ensegido,
no se que yo are para olvidarme de ti,
tus recuerdos me cortan, es un juego infantil,
adonde esta la persona que me hace sentir?
con todo mi alma, y me hace reir,
solo quero tener una mujer que me ame,
que en los dia y noches no puedo esperar que me llame,
y saber que me quiere con todo su voz,
su alma, su mente y mas que todo su corazon,
si la encuentro creo que la vere pasar,
no esperare otravez que me vuelva a matar…
(Written by me)

Where’s this feeling coming back From?

So many thing’s seem to be cluttering my mind lately, Thing’s that worry me intensely. However, thru the course of the last weeks something or should i say someone has managed to make a wedge for herself thru all the nostalgic feelings and clutter. She’s managed to re-entwine a certain connection i deemed lost or broken. This little bit of trust i so longed and Craved is once again slowly starting to grow on it’s on. It’s like a rip in time, where everything seems to slow down and thoughts just patiently process while life passes by. I’ve asked myself the on going questions of “am i mentally and emotionally ready to even pursue any kind of; anything?” & i have managed to insert the bleak amount of hope that’s left to answer’ Yes.

I think needed to come out of this loner state of mind i put myself into for so long.. She’s doing just that. Late night conversations prolongingly make me want more. I feel unsettled when no contact is given and by some random thought and luck her company is more than rather enticing; it’s welcomed. Knowing more about her is all that flurries thru my head’ while she speaks truths that i too care to equally share. I Surrender to images of her throughout the day & night mentally divulging my mind & i wonder…

Y Ahi Estas Tu’ |^^,|

Truth Be Told…

Sometimes I feel like a prophet
Misunderstood 
Under the gun like a new disease

I want a Guitar.

I want to play this one day in a Karaoke bar or something in front of allot of people. I feel like this is something that was from the Deepest part of me.

Distraughten words get muffled by my own reflection,
as if my shadow has no better thing’s to do,
i sit aside my soul continuously vexing,
to try and see if i can make tomorrow new,

but how am i supposed to live with out you?
how am i supposed to live with out you?

Ripping out what’s inside i consider that’s it over,
only to be reminded that I’m such a fool,
allowing room for new thought’s to make me colder,
on the hottest day of June.

tell me’ how am i supposed to live with out you?
how am i supposed to live with out you?

Something I've been cooking up in my head.

(Drake-Successful Instrumental)

Something i wrote randomly.

My only Focus is Dinero cause Women play too many Games,
I think it’s time to let go; ugh’
But the Kid is so Forgetful’
That they get away with murder in his face You’d think he’d let’em know.. na.
But’ thats not the case with this man,
He sits back and they do dirt just to see how much that he can stand.. damn.
When is he gon learn his lesson? that its all about the paper,
everything comes in progression, man.

Memories keepin me secluded & booted,
askin myself “why do i keep on doin this? …. like a foolish kid.”
but thats exactly who i is, call me 3 am is exactly what she did. lifes a bitch.
the ganja in my brain keeps me up like hero-aine,
insaine over this dame over again.
but my Feelins is that deep, so i creep,
around her life cause its her i seek,
everytime my heart gets weak & bleeds, it needs to see and speak to thee.
To make her believe in me and see “im where she needs to be”.
Used To talk day and night, never a fight’ cause we both knew that love; was what made it all right
but im wrong, thats why im bleedin on this song,
cause something so right never’ ever lasts long….
na man, it just doesnt,
thats just life’ fuck it.

Now reality just set in,
she means as much to me
as the body that my minds in.
didint know who i was loosin,
im on the outside’ yellin let me in.

Dark Time’s; Dark Time’s

Sometimes when are at our lowest when we need a friend or someone to just listen… No one is around. That’s something I’ve grown accustomed to but to this day, to this very moment it didn’t bother me. There’s no one I can call, no one i can pour everything out to because the truth is no one cares anymore. I don’t expect hand outs but everyone is in there little world and so distant so it makes me just resent everything I’ve gained for, whatever little that may be. These last few weeks have been torture on me and I haven’t been dealing with it in a healthy way. I feel myself snapping, Losing my mind slowly and I can’t take my thoughts anymore.

This fucking economy is messing with my head’ I can’t find a job anywhere that’s worth it. It has me contemplating petty theft, armed robbery, home assaults and unfortunately Im ready for it. I have no decency left in my head, moneys what I need to get out of this dump and situation of credit card bills piling up’ while I actually do my best to be a decent member of the same society that’s making me feel unfit. Don’t get me wrong ill pick up trash in a stadium shit even on the streets of NY but how can I do that when no one is hiring?

The dukes is pressuring me to help out with bills and I dearly and sincerely want to help but how can I? When I have soo many problems of my own plus now I have hers to deal with too? Na, now I’m actually wishing my father was here to ease the burden on all of us. He’s out in Boston struggling while were here doing the same’ so why can’t my mom and dad stop being so fucking hard headed and just live together for the sake of all our mental sanity? It doesn’t even hurt to have him gone and me not talking to him at all, I’m used to it but fuck’ I’m being given the role that he’s supposed to fill. I’m supposed to be a male father figure for sam, be a role model for tink and  help my mom out with financial decisions that I’m just not up to. I’m so compelled to help her out, how can I refuse to help her… I can’t but the truth is.. I just can’t. Sfh.. Fml.

I know this is only a bump and that things are gonna get better but FUCK man I’ve been in a slump for the last 4 years and shit isn’t getting better. I have something in my life that I enjoy. I enjoy speaking with her, I want to see where things go but how can I if Im fucking broke, have no car anymore and have not even a phone to keep in contact with. uGh, idk what ima do, I used to be so used to being so fresh every day, chillen with my friends, having a car, having extra money in my pocket to go to the movies and just go out in general. I miss my past so much because my near future isn’t looking good if I don’t ground my head and feet. I just wish I wasn’t living in Brooklyn and id be back in my old neighborhood with friends and family, in an atmosphere im used to but I suppose things are always forever changing.

So Things Aren’t Going Smooth..

I wish i knew how to deal with life lately. Things are just so out of place, i guess its cause of me having to adjust to so many things at once. I have me wanting to leave school because i need to find a job, Plus the fact that i messed up by not going for a while so i have no choice now. The fact that i need money just makes everything so much more complicated. Money brings cars, clothes, phones etc plus women which is something i recently have been stressing. Women seem to piss me off.. why? because it hard as Fuck to find a decent, trustworthy, clean one these days. It doesn’t surprise me why I’m single still, i just refuse to put my trust anywhere where it’ll be broken again.

So im just a man drifting around wandering, looking for answers & hope.

First Thought’s

Who knows what life has in store for us;

all i know is that its worth finding out.

Awe inspiring Line From Chambao.

MI EPIDERMIS
DESGASTADA POR TANTAS BATALLAS PERDIDAS
MIS NEURONAS
HABITADAS POR TANTO CONOCIMIENTO INUTIL Y SUBVERSIVO
Y MI ALMA ICONOCLASTA
PROCLAMAN SOLEMNEMENTE;
QUERERTE SIN AMBIGUEDADES,
SIN CODIGOS SECRETOS,
SIN NOSTALGIAS;
Y SIN CLAUSULAS OCULTAS.
ES UNA DECLARACION INGENUA,
TRANSPARENTE ,
Y SIMPLE
TE QUIERO