Clearing my Head

I sat here today still awake from last night just thinking..

of where Ive been, The Decisions Ive made that have bought me here

i regret so little because i believe everything happens for a reason
believe that every action has a reaction that changes how our written future is altered

we were meant to go on a certain road that was already paved for us
but we change it by taking a left instead of a right at the fork in the road



Ive been thinking about what i want to do but the difference is this time im more of a man, more of a positive person to make it all happen

and that's the difference this time from all the other times.. I NEED to do this for myself


i dont want to be sitting in the future looking back on this moment saying
"damn i should of done something to better myself back then"
so im going to spare myself the grief and just do it cause the time lost i cant get it back



all the cigarette's, liquor, extra amenities i craved so much' im glad to say i dont need them nor do i want them in the way i wanted them before.
and it's this change, this change that makes me a better, no, greater man.

the realization that something has to be done in order for me to live my life the way i want it to.


many of you reading this will look at me and say "nigga your only 20"

yes' i am, but realize this, im 20 now but before you know it were 22,23,24,27,29,30
and we cant and wont get that time back,
the shit we do now is gonna affect our lives and health later'
so Ive made the choice to not cheat myself on being there for my kid's, my grand kids, my family, my wife's time together in the future.



there's much of this that i wish to share with allot of my friends cause i see so much potential in them and what their doing isn't healthy nor is it even worth doing,
BUT they must come to that realization with themselves like i did with my problem's,
I can talk talk nag nag to them but it's all them, all i can say later on in life is; i told you so, but now it's on them.
how can i say that about people i care SOOO deeply for? without feeling pain or anything, Wrong it cut's me deep. but we all have to live with the decision's we make, some deal better than others but others look like reckless fools.


we only live once and no life isn't short;
it's long and we all have to live with the decisions we made for possibly the next 30-70 years


I'm going back to school like i should, trying to go to TCI for a Double Major;
Industrial Electronics Technology - Computer Technology Track and Networking Technology

it's what i want to do =]

plus: as soon as i get my money straight and im kinda settled a bit im saving up for my DSLR Camera Ive wanted so i can work on becoming a professional Photographer.


i like photography allot; i view it as another world where i can freeze and capture a moment in time and view it forever.
The beauty of a abandoned place, the textures of a violet to the everlasting glare of a woman's eyes and artistic things that intrigue me. it's a passion of mine.


i wanna change the way my life is because i wanna be able to travel all over the globe when ever i get the chance little by little, take a vacation here nd there nd go somewhere different every time.
it'll take hard work and dedication but i know i can do it.

Spare me the pep talk guy's lol this is just so i get my mind cleared a bit.