Immortality

like the departed, she departed and left here broken hearted,

a soldier wounded in foreign land, mile's from helping hand's,

as i stand, i fall from hit's but just brush off and rise again,

think before u trust, think before u hurt someone who's bent'

on findin love,

they want meal's not pitty crumb's,

future under the sun' moonlight from the above,

real shit, not movie bullshit they feed us.

cause since the dawn of time, i've been walkin the earth gatherin what's mine,

immortality turned curse after i lost all sense of mind.

and figure out what it is ill find, when i find what im lookin for,

god closed all windows and door's,

promised to break all the wall's

even if i fail to leave,

at least ull read what it is i saw.

Cant You See?...

Blown up, like Google searches for the meanin of life,
life's trife, cold stoned, stoned in the cold heights night,
feel right, but im wrong, do right- staggering left,
am i the only one left, who fell in love wit the sess,
refuse to think im from earth, every time i observe,
im more convinced of these words, rebirth,
but feel cursed

like im the gardener's kid
should of been King Salomon's kid,
living life lavish in my 4 dot 6
but that's it?
needed to close up the lid
on faces lost in a crypt, hit,
poundin' always wantin to dip,
i need love' like a trick, who's family ceased to exist,
longin for somethin out of reach and that's as hard as it get,




Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't you see that im drownin?....



who's to say fame wont come and wont provide me the fund's
makin the bank bounce owing me some,
tap out the sky,
got it in a chain lock,
but the lock's changed,
they aint lettin me in,
because im short on my end,
so it's back to the thorn path again
rollin L's to defend,
myself from pin-less grenade's, I'm so afraid,
my philosophy packed into a grave,
cause it didint behave,
it was condemned to the haze of a never ending flame


Felt this comin a mile away, im so helpless,
like hard time's that come and go, imma use patience,
to disappear from here w/o traces
and all these happy faces, and all these happy faces.




Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't you see that im drownin?.....




can't you see that I'm drowning?
in my own tears and fear's,
this is build up from the year's and year's
of sheer racketeering my own thought's,
look what i bought..
2 shot's of hope, a couple dream's but their all make-believe.
cause what's meant to be' will be,
i see the need for lust existence
is poisoning us slowly like a disease,
my hypothesis,
is exactly what it always seems,
prescription for soloist manage a trois solo vendetta;

fill a void greater than canyon's,
cause my companion's
are so few a part that im wondering who my closest friend's & fam is,
my soul on keys keep me folk-tailed, famished and damaged.
somehow i know can manage.
but what i don't understand is..
how many say they love to love,
but when it show's up
u leave when u start to see i really care enough?
save me the crust, I'm so outta touch,
make's me guess i just wasn't man enough,

Sincerely tired of the blame,
sick of all the pain,
need someone to show me
something other than mirror shame.
cause it's forced me to retain,
all the bad memories; suppressed to re-blame,
pump hope threw my vein's
(gasp) time to breathe again


Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't
Can't you see that im drownin?
Can't, can't


Nas-Your the man (instrumental)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSeEcHn7css

Continueance of reccessetation

Find myself at a record breaking low,
Life's gone and passed like a feather in the gentle spring wind,
How is this possible?
life shouldn't be this way on so many level's,
it keep's putting me down no matter how much i struggle.
who's to say im not strong?
im stronger than 90% of you but i keep getting pumbled,
by wave's of let down's, lie's, precious life leaving my existance.
i dont want this.
who need's this?
i want more...
i crave more.
i need simple thing's.
i dont want to be rich, nor do i wish of so much blessing's i dont know what to do with them,
all i ask for is a simple life, with no problem's (impossible), wit stable feeling's.
Life.

High Fingertip's RIP G_Pa

So tonight's the night..
the night i realize I've lost one of the few great men in my life.

My father is gone, we don't speak.
Both my Grandfather's on my father's side have Perished recently.

How is it that a generation can just as easy as it came; Vanish?


Is this human nature?
is this the way thing's are always going to be?
Scripture's, murals, possession's, old photos.
this is all we see of a greater past.

therefore like Ashes in the wind, you are gone...
come back old man, i need you,
"dont do this to me" i yell at the wall's that keep me from loved one's,
yet no one knows because none seem to care the pain which is ever fading.


im at a good place in my life, thing's are going well.
This is nothing but a thought from the mind in a calm zen.

Slippin instrumental scripture

the truth is hard to swallow, maybe not knowing is best
cause sometimes, some food for thought can be hard to digest
so why bite...more than u can chew; forgetting what's forgotten
live life free from pain cause it always end's up makin us rotten,
we forget to believe in Hope, cause we stay lookin thru scope's,
checkin down the throat's of those, who dont deserve this kinda roast,
nothin but a chance to see ... if we can let em in complete,
or let the dog leash go and be, keepin our hand's fully from reach


trust in thee,
all these thought's i see,
makin me turn weak,
knowin that somewhere out there,
is a princess made for me,
but hopin's not what i need,
it's something that i deserve,
after so much time of pain,
i wish that i could fall from earth.


for what it's worth, all the hurt, bottled up, thrown away
i dont need it cause these day's of rain, bothersome, upstaged
tryna rain on my parade, not for long, turn the page,
write as if another day, is on it's way, and w/o haste,
with promises of grace, makin me face all my hate,
as it come's i feel the breeze, of what's been reserved for me,
a life time of patience, paced with feeling's,feeling free
with feeling's,feeling free.

Cuando Venga Abril.

This has a Juanes; Sung vibe. yes sung. so "Rapping it" wont make sense lol, just admire the word's cause i doubt you'll get the same rhythm and guitar note's i have in my head unless i sing it to you xD


Lleva...te

de adentro, sentimien.to's
Que me entoxican desde adentro
Haciendo me partir.

Quieroo

que tu lucero sea mioo
placenteramente entre frio
calententando mi soledad


entonce empezaremos,
de nuevo desde zero,
el pasado olvidemos,
sera's mi nueva flor.


primaveraa

aveces rompre emociones,
que invierno formo con razones,
deritiendo la sensacion.



no me olvides,
no te olvidare,
lla no me llores,
es muy infantil,
haremos lo nuentro,
te hare sonreir,
porque no quero que te valla's...
cuando venga abril.

cuando venga abril,
cuando venga abril,
cuando venga abril.

Inspiration

Eh conocido ya tus labios tan Tiernas y Gentil,
Capturado por tus ojos y me haces reir,
como hago para que veas lo que siento por ti,
esta fuera de este mundo como agua sin abril,
soy Feliz, ni negarlo, me pongo malo,
sabienodo que no tengo tu mano,
ni tu abrazo,
es algo extraño,
soy un tipo muy sensato y astuto,
pero me quedo en el aire pensando,
porque quieres este pobre vagabundo,
te aseguro-
no existen minutos,
ni segundos cuando estamos juntos,
yo disfruto de ti siempre; sin discurso,
siempre habra una conneccion,
de otra dimencion,
que me atrae a tu cuerpo provocando sensacion,
mi amor,
no me ire, ni rompere tu corazon,
prometido con mi vida,
hasta que se me pare la respiracion,
Oiste; La respiracion.


Yo se que te han herido
en el pasado te han mentido
me han hecho lo mismo
por eso yo ati te cuido
yo estoy casi de asilo
pero ahora estoy trankilo
porque estas en mi vida
y me siento bendecido
de haverte conocido
oye gyal;
quiero que en el futuro
veas en tu dedo un anillo,
tener un par de hijos,
y una casa con jardin de
pasto y filo,
pero por ahora
quiero ser mas que un amigo; sencillo.

à propos de moi

(Note inspired by another friend-Nova to be exact~)


I'm not the thinnest; I'm slightly over weight but i somehow consider myself a sexy dude (don't take this in cockiness but I'm just confident)

My Eye's are dark brown but light cafe when the light hit's it

I have the best nose that I've seen thus far

Lips have to be my best facial aspect

Even tho im a chubby guy i have the thinnest finger's that girl's always say are good for making them =X

i have good feet for a guy i think; i keep myself pretty clean

I have a bad habit of biting the inside of my mouth; which has to stop

my ear's are directly where they should be; not too high, not too low.

My facial hair is annoying but i cant live w/o it unless a girl asks me to shave it

I have 2 wound's on my neck from where i got shot which i proudly wear as a reminder

I love when female's play with my ear's

My laugh is idk... never really paid attention to it? you tell me...

I LOVE my hair to death but it can piss me off at time's

I can stand my ground against anyone and not back down bravely; sometimes a bad thing

I have insomnia

I procrastinate but hate to loose time

I kinda have a general idea of what Love is but i want to experience it first hand

You know maybe I'm not the most perfect person in the world.


My Attitude is always changing depending on who I'm around; who i last spoke to, who I'm seeing, who i saw, where I'm going, how cold it is outside, anything and everything changes me somehow.

but yet i love who i am.

How my mind works

It's been going on for month's, day's, hour's, second's now

the flush sensation of time passing, while thought's are processed and carried throughout click's of a keyboard, sudden smile's at a witty remark by the other window preceding her's.. but i don't stray and come back instantly

emotions bleed deep on the screen where many would fail to notice that this other human being is actually opening up the bruised and battered so called heart the previous left to die

She explains shes afraid of being let down again, having her soul shattered and worries about picking up the sharp pieces again, while i too understand the grief that' that certain moment has caused because I've been down this path before.

I'm convinced she's worth exploring.


First meeting; short, subtle, comfortable
Second meeting; comfortable, relaxing, reassuring
Recent encounter; Undisclosed location, she meet's me in the lobby as i arrive. We head in the elevator my hair in a mess, our Lip's moist, her hair in a pony tail, eyes a deep color of emotion which drove me to lean in; Ding. our floor.

hesitate to exit as i courteously allow her to exit, i follow watching her... as she step's; I'm seduced now.

Ring. The old abused apt door open's, i follow locking the door behind me, there is a scent of lavish baked good in the air teasing my bowel's: as if thanksgiving hadn't treated me well earlier. Continue, as i remove my coat i whisper "where can i place this" she places it elsewhere being ever so careful, we sit in the living room; now alone, I'm taken by her ever grasping glances over to me talking to my mind w/o word's.

12...
Conversation's, Joke's
1...
the eventual physical contact, heart beating faster, mind racing, complete security
2...
complete relaxation, hormones indulging, but nothing happens, nothing we cant handle, nothing spoken, everything revealed, im glad we can just speak & connect with out anything more yet.

time of departure.. late. as i walk in the smiting cold holding her hand trying to keep her as warm as i can' as i do not wish her to be sick, we laugh out loud about randomness at the crazy hour of the morning,

{Paused Moment in time; I am filled with thought's of sincere happiness, genuine childlike emotions that add fuel to the fire she's lit in my soul as i have her's. i have taken a mental snap shot of this day as i wish to never forget it. adding it to my collections of memories, but what makes this moment special? what drives me to believe this is not going to be forgotten like the rest?... Realization is the difference}

As we walk down the street, i can sense that she is mine and i am her's, something many think they have but fail to understand it doesn't exist but I've actually proven the contrary of my own word's, thought's and beliefs.
time to leave

Now goodbye's are uttered as i grasp her hands and feel her lip's against mine knowing she wishes it never end's and i don't have to go; this is a feeling I'm not used to. I'm used to being cared for in some way but never to this level.
Grateful, i wont take this for granted.

as i release her and she walk's inside i turn around as to capture any remaining details of her ever lasting smile & to make sure she makes it inside safely.

Now i walk.
the hour & a half ride home is met with the thought's of the evening making everyone around me, the bum sleeping at the other end, the couple kissing next to me, the work tired man sleeping adjacent to me disappear.. why? because she is on my mind. making my predictions come true... she is my world.. she's all i see.

Clearing my Head

I sat here today still awake from last night just thinking..

of where Ive been, The Decisions Ive made that have bought me here

i regret so little because i believe everything happens for a reason
believe that every action has a reaction that changes how our written future is altered

we were meant to go on a certain road that was already paved for us
but we change it by taking a left instead of a right at the fork in the road



Ive been thinking about what i want to do but the difference is this time im more of a man, more of a positive person to make it all happen

and that's the difference this time from all the other times.. I NEED to do this for myself


i dont want to be sitting in the future looking back on this moment saying
"damn i should of done something to better myself back then"
so im going to spare myself the grief and just do it cause the time lost i cant get it back



all the cigarette's, liquor, extra amenities i craved so much' im glad to say i dont need them nor do i want them in the way i wanted them before.
and it's this change, this change that makes me a better, no, greater man.

the realization that something has to be done in order for me to live my life the way i want it to.


many of you reading this will look at me and say "nigga your only 20"

yes' i am, but realize this, im 20 now but before you know it were 22,23,24,27,29,30
and we cant and wont get that time back,
the shit we do now is gonna affect our lives and health later'
so Ive made the choice to not cheat myself on being there for my kid's, my grand kids, my family, my wife's time together in the future.



there's much of this that i wish to share with allot of my friends cause i see so much potential in them and what their doing isn't healthy nor is it even worth doing,
BUT they must come to that realization with themselves like i did with my problem's,
I can talk talk nag nag to them but it's all them, all i can say later on in life is; i told you so, but now it's on them.
how can i say that about people i care SOOO deeply for? without feeling pain or anything, Wrong it cut's me deep. but we all have to live with the decision's we make, some deal better than others but others look like reckless fools.


we only live once and no life isn't short;
it's long and we all have to live with the decisions we made for possibly the next 30-70 years


I'm going back to school like i should, trying to go to TCI for a Double Major;
Industrial Electronics Technology - Computer Technology Track and Networking Technology

it's what i want to do =]

plus: as soon as i get my money straight and im kinda settled a bit im saving up for my DSLR Camera Ive wanted so i can work on becoming a professional Photographer.


i like photography allot; i view it as another world where i can freeze and capture a moment in time and view it forever.
The beauty of a abandoned place, the textures of a violet to the everlasting glare of a woman's eyes and artistic things that intrigue me. it's a passion of mine.


i wanna change the way my life is because i wanna be able to travel all over the globe when ever i get the chance little by little, take a vacation here nd there nd go somewhere different every time.
it'll take hard work and dedication but i know i can do it.

Spare me the pep talk guy's lol this is just so i get my mind cleared a bit.

Some Advice

1. Live life in the Now; Forget about yesterday, worry not about tomorrow

2. Keep progressing in life as it time wait's for no one

3. Do not be afraid to fall, be happy you fell and learned a lesson

4. Never wear your heart on your shoulder, these day's it's more fashionable to keep it in your pocket, Away from all, Shown only to those who deserve it

5. Friends mean nothing today because tomorrow they too can be forgotten like the ones in the past

6. Hope is the string's on the guitar that is your life; Play a song' it can only lead to good thing's

7. Always prepare your mind for the absolute worst possible outcome; so if it happen's your already 90% to recovery

8. There's nothing in a person who tell's you their going to change because change is an action that therefore must be acted upon

9. Even tho you may have been hurt in the past, you can close yourself out, Yes you must give yourself time to heal, but what better way to heal than letting someone help you while you heal eachother

10. Music is a big influence on how our minds process feelings, so dont always give your feeling up to song's because they will only confuse you and make your mind think incorrectly; Only follow your heart

11. Sometimes when we feel cluttered, Writing seems to help because when we see our thought's on paper we can organize then, delete then, or put them into action while their out in the open

12. They who Love w/o Loving themselves fist; isn't loving at at, it's more like a game of Russian Roulette with 5 out of 6 bullet's in the spindle

13. When in doubt; get the fuck outta there. Anything your mind is uneasy about, is more than likely true

14. Material object's may help a relationship out but primarily may ruin them because it becomes the focus of it and what really matter's "the feeling's" is over looked and money becomes an object/reason of affection

15. Allow to let in; You'll be surprised who's willing to break down wall's and try to pick up the piece's of a broken past.


Nothing u fag's haven't heard before ^^.

Something short; this really got me

 

(Chorus/Sung)
Baby;
Help me find my way thru the dark
---
Help me find my way thru the dark
Save me;
Help me find my way thru the dark
---
Help me find my way thru the dark

 

Consumed lies, see the tear's in my eye's
cant shed any more, cause my soul's run dry
tired of believing in scheming female's
that only manipulate, see to me; they see thru

 

where's the real one's? that crave for the moment's
where they standin my they man without cheatin on'em
support him' when he's down, pickin up his mornin's
and at night keep him focused on they family portrait
thru bad, the good & the in between's
know that I'd down for her like in her wildest dreams
{Written by me/ wish you guy's could hear the beat in my head to this/ the voice saying it sound's the way puff did back in the day/ slow nd heartfelt}

Angel Wing’s

 

Between life, fantasies, who's to say what i feel,
isn't based off of lust and what eyes reveal,
Hope it's trust that embodies all the types thought's
that go running threw my mind when my path you've crossed,
honestly, all i need is you're everything,
cause you've managed to break wall's and become my friend,
more than that you've stopped time and frozen the sand,
that's been slipping threw my hand's, i have control at last,

 

 

When you’re lonely I want you to come run to me,
so that u can feel my chest & hear how I breathe,
calm steady, serene, heart beat's supreme,
only when your around does it seem to ease
so you see, your more permanent that these hickey’s
that show ever so resiliently refusing to leave,
say I’m yours & you’re mine, connection’s divine,
your presence is near perfect; no between the line's,
so never doubt for a second that you’re in my dream’s,
wouldn’t have it any other way’  it makes me freeze
want to seize every frame that makes you retain
the very essence of our vibe driving us insane
please refrain' from the thought's about yesterday
& let's make new memories pursue a change.

 

 

So, help me find my way threw the dark
You’re the only light I see in this game of heart’s
We bleed, get hurt but get right back up,
Only if we have around those angel wing’s

 

So, I left behind everything I have
& placed all my bet’s on you as you took my hand
Now I breathe, easy cause you’re here with me
Only cause you came around; My Angel Wing’s.

(Written by me; like all my note's)